Life seems always intrusive, demanding and often exhausting. It is not an easy world we live in. All human beings face challenge and demands. Our bodies often thrive with the exhilaration of challenge, our minds need stretching with ideas and the need to focus, even when tired. But there is a part of us, the inner life where our thoughts and hopes and longings live and it is easy to neglect.
Once we realize we are not just a self, with an outer life with demands, but we also have an inner world that needs to be cared for as well, we are better able to integrate our whole life. This inner world, called the soul, is the life center of human beings.
“The LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”
The soul is the deepest part of us and it simply needs connection to God. When it does connect, our view of ourself and the world changes.
Soul is a word often related as our emotions. Its evidence comes through the expression of our art, music and poetry ..”the baring of the soul.” But in fact, it is more than emotions. It is the seed bed of our will and mind and as a result effects our emotions and integrates our human actions. Keeping it healthy is what causes many a psychologist to be employed.
We all agree there is the need for the mental health profession. But psychology is not the end-all cure for the deep needs of man. Psychology is limited because it centers primarily on self-care; and we all know how difficult it is to maintain that approach. It takes more than self-care to begin the inward journey of caring for the soul.
I like what author, John Ortberg writes, “Martin Seligman, a brilliant psychologist with no religious ax to grind, has a theory that it’s because we have replaced church, faith and community with a tiny little unit that cannot bear the weight of meaning. That’s the self. We’re all about the self. We revolve our lives around ourselves.”
What we find in modern society is the more we focus on self, the more selfish we become; and as a result, the less content we are with the meaning of our life. That focus manifests itself in restlessness all around ~ in family life, in the work place, and our entertainment and media arena. We live in an epidemic of anger and discontent.
But when we view the soul as more than the shallow life maintained and centered in self, our journey may begin to find true identity and a healthy balance. It may lead us to our understanding of true self-worth. And isn’t that the cry from deep inside? Who am I and where do I belong?
When we explore why we were created, it naturally leads us to a spiritual path towards the meaning of life. When we face a hardship, illness or death, a loss of job which turns our thoughts internal we soon find, if we open the door to seeking the reality of our inner world, we come up questioning. Questions of relevance who we are and have become. The revelation of God wanting a personal connection is the only self ‘thing’ that really matters.
When we return to man’s beginnings and the breath of God within, doesn’t it make sense there is a life force needed in all of us that God alone provides? Breath is the deepest part of our being. It provides us life as a living soul.
Perhaps the greatest exhilaration and challenge in life is to explore and develop that relationship with God and his son, Jesus, and to be a community of faith, to understand our connection and explore the depth of being ~ as a living soul.
Modern life accelerates into an era of increased chaos. Unhinged is a current description of the disorder that we find ourselves in. Life as we’ve known it is not easily recognized in this current acceleration of change. The stress of technological advancements, world geo-political upheaval, the pending dangers of collapsed economies and increased violence all reveal troubled times ahead.
This driving pace is overwhelming to the individual heart and contemplating mind. Get used to it. It is our rapidly-changing world; our chaotic, new norm.
Distress is an ancient problem. King David experienced and wrote about it. He felt he could not endure, being “at their wits’ end.” He found his resource of strength through desperate prayer.
“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.” (Psalm 107:27-28.)
When life hits us hard and we lose our own will, how do we react? Do we bend with life’s circumstances, or break into a million pieces? This all seems part of the adversity we so often face. We certainly need to learn to bend with circumstances and get up when we get knocked down. The need to heal when we are broken and forgive when we are offended, or maligned, seems all too familiar.
A good exercise in flexibility is bowing our head and bending our knees. When we reach out for help in prayer and faith to God, the humbling process becomes real. It helps to gather our brokenness and lay it in his care. In due time, we mend, heal and spring back with renewed equilibrium and with an upright position of faith and hope. Bending our will helps us stand tall with strength to carry on.
In an atmosphere of epidemic stress the daily tension and present challenges of our age seem overpowering. It can lead to a valley of despair. The economic pressures families face, the need for affordable housing, fear of loss of employment and coping with daily concerns.. the list goes on ..
What a tremendous temptation to give in to despair. “Hopelessness constricts the heart, rendering it unable to sense God’s blessings and grace. It causes you to exaggerate the adversities of life and makes your burdens seem too heavy for you to bear. Yet God’s plans for you and His ways bringing about His plans, are infinitely wise,” writes Madame Guyon.
Embracing life is an adventure of learning and experience. Every season has its beauty even in hardship; our challenge is to remain positive, take hold of faith rather than become overwhelmed with hardship. The inward work, the discipline, the renewing of thinking that is required, strengthens and prepares us for an unfamiliar future. It is possible for beauty to come through our process of transformation while experiencing adversity. It is the triumphant human spirit that is forged when we choose to allow the work of the Holy Spirit to guide and direct.
Experiencing difficulties expands the heart to understand adversity and suffering. Many parents who care long hours for a chronically ill child display enduring strength. They are often the first to connect and develop a community of support for others. Adversity often develops wells of compassion and prompts action and service of help.
Shallowness has no place in a broken heart. The need for renewal is so much greater. Scripture speaks of God being near to the broken-hearted. The broken receive grace to experience the highest heights and the lowest depth of the soul. Grace is the footsteps of faith and love is the healing salve of the soul.
When we only remain lighthearted we certainly will enjoy a simple satisfaction, but those who allow trials to bring about the carving out of depth of soul will experience the deeper things of life and profound grace for others.
We may not be able to see light through current struggles; but we can believe that those dark winter days ~ perhaps even our today ~ is a day our heart is being developed, stretched to further capacity. Take hold of the God of hope and soon know profound joy will follow. There will be restoration and an enlargement of understanding beyond shallowness. We can then enjoy renewed peace and the soft meadow God has adorned with Spring flowers.
I have always championed a life-style of tranquility. Given a choice I will side with the ways of a peacemaker over the conflict of wrangling every time.
Disturbance and drama leave me agitated: unresolved conflict feeds me indigestion. Simply put, I need peace to function properly and without it, I must retreat until I find emotional equilibrium.
Give me the sea-breeze of shoreline, the gentle laps of the waves without storm. It is called a quiet disposition and it is an inward fight to remain one.
I wrestle with modern human ecology ~ the wrecking-ball swipes and swings of the changing emotional environment leaves me staggering.
I always disliked rewarding bad behavior: intimidation, manipulation and control of power are definitely bad behavior. The ones who shout the loudest attract the most attention.Why should we reward it? It goes against the grain of my better judgement.
But in our current social and political environment, in these formable times with sweeping cultural and political changes, the retreat from disturbance may be dangerous to the valued life we hold dear.
Retreat for brief renewal may be needed, if only to gather composure; but hiding our heads deep in the sand and ignoring conflict, as if it all trouble will go away, is useless. This exercise defeats seeing our own condition and does nothing for the inertia for change. It only allows denial and delay of real problems. But It could be a great stand-up moment of responsibility and future growth in character, if we only allow it.
Modern Narcissism
What is stability? It seems long forgotten. What drives the sweeping emotional state of our families, our communities and our nation? Fear, selfishness, need for attention, non accountability and a lack of leadership strategy are major contributors. The narcissism of our modern age reaps consequences and we are seeing the signs of breakdown all around us. But if ever there is a need for a stand up moment, a rebuilding of the broken, it is now.
Debate is not the answer to life’s question, neither is singularly, the discussion of policies of our massive ills enough to correct fast-paced trends of destruction. We may think as long as we have released information, problems are satisfied. It is simply not true. Once weakness and need is exposed, it takes a groundswell of active cooperative leadership, a willingness to admit failures where needed, and the renewed roll-up-sleeve strength to tackle the massive problems that complacency has created by ignoring so much, for way too long. That approach to cooperative leadership doesn’t seem to be winning. Perhaps, because it presently doesn’t exist in this world of polarized agendas.
When we allow problems to grow out of per portion, solving them becomes much more complicated. Ignoring issues allows cancerous growth to take hold and the problems reach epidemic, unless aggressively tackled. Treatment is much more painful and costly after a delay in prognosis.
Ask any cancer patient who wished the initial consultation had been mad earlier. But most patients are driven to endure the hard choices ahead when life hangs in the balance. It is called life legacy and what we are willing to do to secure it.
Resets and Responsibilities
How does change come in such life-altering resets? It begins by taking charge and being courageously accountable in our own individual lives and families and employment, not by blaming others. It is easy to be distracted from our own accountability. By providing leadership in our homes with our children, in our schools, communities and employment, we can make a difference. Investing one on one is not only valuable, it is essential. It has been the way mores and culture have been handed down to future generations throughout the ages.
When we stand up, step up to our own responsibilities, life changes, not without effort but because of commitment and order. That is our greatest sustained challenge: our challenge to the wimpy self! It has always been our weakest link.
Will someone be brave enough to stand up and say, “I’ve had enough.” “I must take charge of my own life?” We thought we were doing such a good job. Not.
Taking action and being responsible for ourselves has always proven the best way forward and perhaps reaps the greatest personal rewards. It models leadership to our children and provides those in need a steady, helping hand in their step towards greater accountability too. Such leadership brings order into chaos, peace into conflict and validation into the disfranchised. We can’t wait for others to provide this leadership. It is an individual responsibility and when we abdicate it, everyone in our influence suffers and society soon becomes the weakened.
This action may give us all pause to reflect! Slowly, we may again, become proactive in maintaining a life-style of emotional well being and actually encounter real change and transformation in the process. Doesn’t this challenge seem all too familiar? I wonder why? We must not loose hope.
Man’s Frailties
Faith in man is disappointing. Perhaps because we know our own frailties all too well. Why than do we keep looking to others to sustain us? Or, others who promise security? That’s the trap we become snared by, expecting others to rescue us from our own mess. It is a false hope for handouts of peace and tranquility. We simply won’t find our needs met centered in the hearts of men or women, no matter how dearly we are loved by friends and family, or our communities. We are simply too complicated for their effort of rescue.
Lovely fireplace in the main lounge of Eynsham Hall.
Ensham Hall, Witney Oxfordshire England
Grand Piano featured in the Main Lounge.
Reflections bring us back to memories and the ability to spend time with those memories may help release comfort and impart strength for the present healing journey.
It’s a process of encounters – wrapped in intimate moments of remembrance. These encounters both painful and pleasant start the healing process. It’s a continuing journey of the grieving heart.
One such encounter with my own painful loss was my recent trip back to England … It had only been a few short months since The Memorial Service of my husband. And afterwards I found that I coped best by keeping tightly-scheduled days and the first on my busy agenda were all the updates of legal matters.
Next came the ongoing process of sorting through personal items – “What to give away?” – “What to pass on?” – “What to keep as lasting treasures?”
I tried to organize and keep it tidy in all the right compartments but heart-wrenching grief often came spilling out.
I needed a respite, a sweet reprieve. And so I planned to return to England in my most favorite autumn season, to visit familiar places and mostly, visit friends.
It was a welcome back visit to England where I lived for nearly a decade as a young married woman together with my husband and growing children. It was a very long time ago now – when we returned to the United States to live – but back then, it was a cherished, near decade of family-life and friendship living in the UK.
Return visits always filled me with delightful memories of our life there so many years ago. I longed once again to see the beautiful English gardens, sip massive cups of tea and eat strawberry scones with piles of clotted cream, and chat in endless catch-up conversation.
It was now and different: this time I returned as a grieving widow folding into the arms of friends who had become cherished, life-time journey companions.
These were the kind of friendships that knew no space of time, or distance. Years earlier, they had accepted me as one of their own. And so, through the years we remained close: we were more like family traveling over the pond to visit on welcomed visits.
This return was different, I would be traveling alone; carrying my own single passport and baggage: making all the arrangements and decisions, and all without my best friend and travel companion for forty-six years.
But I knew too, I would keenly experience the fond memories that My dear husband and I shared in our overseas adventures – adventures which opened both doors of career-opportunities and amazing faith discoveries along the way.
“Now, I was left alone to wrestle myself into a new way of life and I needed their love to help strengthen my journey, the long one ahead.”
I am not convinced the grieving process had fully taken hold at the time I arrived in England. It was all so new – the finality of loss that always is and remains so raw.
His illness had been long-endured and grief journeyed with us in all the ups and downs of fight and struggle. I had known it then, but not at the full extent as I would know it now.
I experienced the immediate shock and newness of loss and grief but sometime afterwards, it would truly and painfully unfold: the ending quietness of his presence, the closed door of his strength and wisdom.
I learned grief had stages and often they followed a familiar pattern. These varied grief patterns would be the painful daily norm, lessening in intensity but remaining still.
“Grief often hides itself in periods of suppression; then suddenly, gripping grief, erupts like smoke-filled molten lava. It sweeps down, belching fiery emotion, gut-like heaving coals of pain seeks to encroach in every pathway. It is impossible to hide from the onslaught of rolling emotions.”
Revisiting Memories: Renewing Life
During my visit to England, I had many special moments revisiting familiar places, renewing friendships and enjoying special places my husband and I enjoyed together.
On one such-occasion, I was hosted to a coffee morning by girl friends in a rather luxuriant hotel. It was a breath-taking environment, a “Downton Abby-style-mansion” turned resort hotel. It was nestled quietly in the beautifully lush-green Oxfordshire countryside.
It was rather intoxicating when we entered the stately sitting room. I marveled at the gorgeous chandelier with its period furnishings and accessories. There in the side area of the large sitting room was a trophied Grand piano. I took a photo of it, while it stood as an opulent, majestic treasure of fitting grandeur.
Closely seated nearby, we drank our cups of coffee and tea, laughed and cried together, as we recalled memories of younger years – those happy years of having our babies and raising our children together.
We continued updating one another of our mutual friends and then talked endlessly about our own expanded families, our grandchildren and careers; and then sadly, I told of our fourteen-year journey with cancer. How it comforted me in sharing the journey.
It was an awesome time of meeting hearts and spirits – as always – we shared our current discoveries of faith and hardships. There were both sad times and happy-ones. And just in years previous, we nurtured one another with our love and friendship as we had often done before.
Reflections of Memories:
Returning home and some weeks past, I reviewed my many English photos. While looking at my coffee morning photos, particularly the photo of the Grand Piano, I recalled a story…
I read of a rich old widow who acted strangely after her musician husband died some twenty-years previous. She locked the keyboard of the piano and the door to the room and would not allow anyone to enter. Only did she allow herself once a day to stand in the doorway with her memories to peer inside the room.
Misguided by her grief she never allowed the lovely music of the piano to be played again. She, therefore found herself locked away from reentering life again. Sadly, she silenced herself from the music that once surrounded her life and that had once filled her home with joy. It was a very sad story with an unhappy ending.
Finding A Pathway through Grief:
The pathway through grief is profoundly painful. It is one lonely path we wished not to travel. But as we “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” we may be reassured we will come out of the grief encounter, become stronger, emotionally deeper and more equipped to help others with their grieving journey.
Katherine Sharp says, “Sometimes in your life you will go on a journey….It will be the longest journey to find yourself.”
I conclude that the process of grief in which we primarily mourn our loss, is also a journey to help us find our way to our authentic self. This journey aids our discoveries of our own self, our life as it truly is now. The journey process shows us how to resolve the questions of the future and help us in the long term adjustment.
Facing our own needs in each new stage of process, stretch us to grow into a fuller understanding of who we really are. It also reveals both our strengths and weaknesses. Overcoming these hurtles is important because it equips us to face a renewed future.
May we find ourselves in the completion of the process of grief, more mature and deeply compassionate. And may we be spiritually enlightened and strengthened in faith; to walk confidently ahead without getting stuck needlessly, in the pain and loss of grief.
The Music of Grief:
Rabbi Joshua Liebinan’s book, “Peace of Mind”, says:
“The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out those aerials of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk that road with us.” ~ Rabbi Joshua Liebinan
Life is good in spite of pain and sorrow. We all must help to carry one another during our encounter with grief until healing and strength regains momentum and we are able to complete our own journey. We are then able to turn to others in need and help them regain their footing on the pathway of healing from grief.
Reflections-Life's Journey 